Lets Start a Rant
by AzureShadowMoon
Summary: Due to the recent increase of idiocy over fan fiction, I have made it my personal goal to give advice to writers and help clear up some clichés, mistakes, and other little mishaps that drive readers up the wall. Authors, beware, your self-esteem is at stake.


**Looking for advice? Here's some.**

I'm making this for two reasons. One, I've seen enough fan fiction out there that are in need of _serious _help to the point of where you're not even sure what's happening in the story anymore. Two, I need a rant.

So, we'll start with the number one basics of fan fiction.

Disclaimers. Oh boy.

For one, don't make them so long. Simply say 'I don't own this crap' not 'I would never ever own this but if I did I would do this and this would happen and this and this-'

We don't need a breakdown of your fantasizing. Please just disclaim and start the story. That's why we clicked it in the first place. Also, don't make the disclaimer out to be a story in itself.

It's annoying. We don't care if characters are there helping you introduce the chapter or disclaimer and we certainly won't read something that's longer then the story. For one, it's OOC (out of character for you newbies) and it's just plain boring. Remember, what may sound awesome in your head is probably the worst idea you'll ever have.

Another basic is Summary's.

One thing you should know is to NEVER EVER start with a question. Questions are like the biggest 'boring story here' sign you'll ever see. Who wants to read a story that says 'What if he never was born? What if he jumped off a cliff? What if she falls in love?'.

See? Boring. May sound awesome at first, but it's boring. B-O-R-I-N-G.

Another big no-no is cliché's. Now, new writers will probably make this mistake often, but you veterans out there deserve a face palm. Identifying cliché's should be the norm for you. One of the biggest one's is 'She does this, will she ever find love?' or 'A certain someone catches her eye'.

You'll find those stories everywhere.

Also, if you suck at summaries don't say you do. Your pretty much admitting this story is crap if you can't make a simple summary of it. Don't tell us to read it to or say it'll get better. Then it sounds like your begging and the author should NEVER beg for viewers. You sound desperate.

If anyone should be begging, it's your reviewers for another update.

That's when you know your story is awesome.

Back to the main point, just briefly give a description. Something mysterious, comical, or dark. It shouldn't be plain or boring, unless you really don't care about it but then why the heck are you even writing it?- Anyways, a good summary could be a stanza from a poem or maybe a quote. Just make sure it goes with your story so it gives a nice feel to it.

This is probably just me, but I hate when people don't capitalize the title. Sure, you can keep it lower case but it's a major pet peeve if someone puts, 'where are we?!' as a title or something and it's in LOWER CASE. Maybe on purpose or accident, but it's irritating. Same thing for summary's too. Capitalize is your friend people. Spell check too.

Speaking of which, Grammar mistakes. I make those all the time and this whole rant is probably making me out to be a huge hypocrite but whatever. For one, there's a difference between typos and errors. Typo's can be pretty funny to me, or sometimes confusing. Grammar errors however just mean you really aren't double checking your work.

I usually skim over my chapters twice for mistakes, usually overlooking simple little typos that even the reader will look over. But there is NO WAY someone won't look at something like 'and s he broken the whel with her ffisst' and not quit.

Like I said, spell check is your friend. If you don't have Microsoft word, get it. Or at least something with a grammar correcting thingy.

Okay, starting your story. Hooray!

No. Back up. Chill out.

Dialogue. Ugh.

It's surprising how many writers don't know to start a new paragraph when someone starts to speak. I've seen a lot that are like-

**[**He grabbed the vase, "Lock the doors!" She shook her head, "It's no use, the police are right outside." He panicked before grabbing the old book off the floor, "Let's take the fire escape! Tsume should be at the bottom!" "Okay!"**]**

I'm sorry you had to endure that. But, that is a perfect example of what NOT to do. Remember to space dialogue please, or else you have no idea what's going on or who's speaking. Here's how it should be-

**[**"Lock the doors!" Ryou yelled, grabbing the vase.

Mika shook her head. "It's no use, the police are right outside!"

He panicked before grabbing the old book off the floor, "Let's take the fire escape! Tsume should be at the bottom!"

"Okay!"**]**

There. Much better. Don't worry, I made the same mistake too. Then I took a class. Anyway, names are important. Seriously. They are.

Now, a lot of writers love to use the typical 'American in japan' or something and name them 'Ashley or Eric'. True, it's good to use something you know but guess what you also know? Anime.

If you want to do a cliché American fan fiction, go ahead. I only know very few stories like that that are actually popular. VERY. FEW.

Also, if your character is American and just moving to japan THERE IS NO WAY SHE/HE CAN FLUENTLY SPEAK JAPANESE. Even if they got the notice they were moving a year in advance, they'd have an accent and they'd definitely foul up A LOT. If they were going to school, they'd have to take a speech class.

If you're gonna make your character so awesome at Japanese, just make them Japanese. End of story.

Ahhh. OC'S. How wonderful.

I'm an OC writer. Yes, I know, half of you probably just cringed.

BUUUUUUUT a lot of you need to know something about OC's. Even if you're not making one, you'll eventually have a side character you insert here and there to keep the story moving. If you do, remember one important fact.

NEVER OUTSHINE THE MAIN CHARACTER. NEVER EVER EVER.

It's very important! It'll only make your character into a Mary Sue or Gary Stu. I know, you want to make your character awesome and loved, noticeable with the hot guy and save the day and beat the bad guy-

No. Sit down. Stop, before you hurt yourself.

For one, you're gonna die. Your OC will get crushed, shunned, and will probably be that annoying cry baby on the side of the road. No one cares about him/her.

No one. Maybe you, but that doesn't count for much.

You have to make us love the OC. Get us in their mind, don't make them powerful and don't make them a love fool. Keep a level personality without too much attention. If there's a new student in class, all the hot guys or girls will not immediately fall for them. They won't care.

It's like a lure. Lure the readers in and they'll really get into it.

Over powering your OC is a no-no. Don't make thing up on the fly, like making them an angel in a sci-fi world. That's bogus and you know it. Stay with the time and the place. It's better for all of us. Keep your OC under control and you keep the story under control.

Its better if the OC is relatable too. I can't relate to an angel, so…?

Besides that, SI's are becoming a hit. You know the reincarnation ones? Love them. Don't care what anime. Love them. It's a lot more explainable then the simple 'I fell into the anime world'. But that's just my opinion.

It's so freaking typical to be hit by a car.

Seriously. If your OC is gonna die and wake up in anime, make it creative. Or maybe they're in a coma? They got bucked off a horse off the side of a cliff? They parachuted without a parachute?

See? Ideas. Use them. Their amazing.

Not everyone is texting and driving or drunk, ya know.

Anyways, how does one avoid the dark path of Mary Sue and Gary Stu? Simple. The main character is awesome. You're not. Don't make them on par with the main character. It's always their personality you'll come to love. For example, the main plot centers around being a samurai, you'll probably wanna make your OC one too.

That's fine and all, but take a moment to look through fan fiction. Scroll through a few pages. Notice something? Yeah. Your idea has already been used most likely.

So make something new.

Don't go overboard though. Like, don't make your character some demon or dragon or then we just lose all sense of the story line from then on. Simplistic is key. Build from scratch and the more powerful your OC gets the less we care about the over powering-ness.

Because we'll be routing for them instead of booing them.

My main point is, OC's are special. They need slow care to actually be cared for, so don't suddenly launch them into the story plot. Then everyone is confused. Slow and steady, gradually, build it up, so when they finally meet a plot character we're sitting here flipping tables at how awesome it is.

Yeah. That awesome.

But _please _for the love of all sanity, DON'T ABUSE AU.

AU. Alternate Universe. Didn't know that? You're a retard. Just saying that now since you were hiding it. _Anyways, _everyone loves two different types of plots. The ones that are simple and go along with the original, and then the AU.

Sweet mother, some fan fictions, I swear. Typically, AU means you go off rail. But going off track is okay to an extent. If you have a story that drastically goes off the road, where the main goal of the story isn't even there anymore, the villain and your main character are drinking coffee and the side character starts reading hentai THAT IS NOT OKAY. AT ALL.

High school ficts. Yup. Those are acceptable because they're so stereotypical. Certain AU's are definitely acceptable. But some aren't. You know, the ones that have a vampire, who bites a girl, and they unsurprisingly fall in love, but then a unicorn appears, and it's a spirit of some grandmother, and maybe an eagle is trying to kill it, but then the vampire race declares war on the eagles and I'm sitting here wondering what the hell this author has been smoking-

Yeah. Unacceptable and acceptable. Know your AU.

But, high school ficts, as I mentioned earlier, are very much stereotypical. You know why? Main heroine is 100% always paired with the bad boy. Not even her crush stands a chance. Usually he turns out gay anyway. And from there it's usually nerdy girl/normal-ish girl catches the eye of the schools idol/delinquent and his group of buddies (side characters that the author goes out of their way to pair when the story isn't even about them) and then there's a party.

What would a romance be without minors getting drunk?

Yeah. I have lost faith in humanity.

And 100% of the time it's the heroine's best friend or the bad boy's best friend that invites her over. Black mails her. Threatens her. Physically drags her. _Oh, but I have studying, _she'd say. Still goes anyways. Still. Goes. Anyways.

Her teacher must be proud.

If that was my friend, I'd spray her with pepper. In a world of teenagers, that was just…dumb. Go to a party where you know nobody knows you? Dumb. I'd rather sit at home and be a social outcast. That's the normal thing to do. But, apparently, the anime laws dictate we're hormonally imbalanced mental love machines.

How does that even work? The nobody gets invited. You know what'd be better? The nobody breaks in. That'd be a story. Totally crash that party with spray paint and lizards. Prank the bad boy.

See? Creativity. It's amazing.

A lot of writers are a little shy about moving off the rail like AU's, SI, or some other third thing that fan fiction has already invented. They make an OC, or a little change to the original story, and go through with it just like that. As it goes on, the readers are expecting this major plot twist but ends up exactly like the anime ended. Nothing changed.

Nothing.

Just what exactly were you trying to accomplish? Saying 'oh, I can change the side character and it still ends fine' or 'I added an OC and it still ended fine'. We aren't looking for fine, or that small chapter of romance that you typically add after everything's said and done. We're looking for changes. Small, big, doesn't matter.

Don't be shy to do a back flip, as I say.

Oh, time travel ficts. Holy cow. Where do I even begin?

For one, make it legit. Dying is _okay, _but it's overused. Black portal randomly appearing and sucking character ten years into the past? _Really? _You're imagination baffles me.

So there's no logical explanation for it. You just want this character sent back in time for some hilarious shenanigans that most likely fifty other people have already put into their story. _At least _make it believable. I highly doubt the villain, if he ever was sent to the past, would spare the hero's younger self all because of his big watery eyes.

Seriously. They're villains and heroes for a reason.

That's another thing. Yes, we know they're the bad guy. Don't make them to be some pedophile (it's quite popular nowadays) or complete hater. That's OCC. Make them the way their character is designed. They're villains because their pasts made them so. Not because you said so. Research a bit, you'll be surprised. Every wrong has a reason, ya know.

The good guys? Yeah. Let's bow and worship their godly powers.

Really. It gets annoying. We know their awesome, we know it, that's why we _watched _them or read them being awesome. Please don't spend five chapters explaining this awesomeness. Don't make them into some sob story that magically became epic. If they were abused as children (you people make me sick) they aren't all rainbows and smiles. Please, for the love of sanity, if you change a background and a personality, you've got a have a reason for it.

Otherwise, we're not really routing for anyone. We're kind of just sitting here wondering why our nachos in the microwave aren't done yet. Boring.

I'm not even going to talk about crossovers. That'd be too much brain rape for me to even talk about.

But.

References.

Dear lord, the _references._

You realize if you put a reference out there in your story, hardly _anyone _is going to understand it. If you're going to do a reference, be absolutely sure it's popular. You character randomly starts doing the Harlem shake? Hilarious. You're character starts singing Enya? The hell?

Oh, and celebrities, and facebooks, and memes, and of course those lovely things we like to call T.V shows. References that leave most characters confused and your OC looking like a retard cause she/he is laughing to themselves. The reader is not amused. They are probably embarrassed they are even reading this. So, a reference here and there is fine. Just _don't go overboard _or blow it out of proportion.

Please. I'm begging you. My IQ will drop.

Now, I'm sure we've come across more than one of these ficts. The typical fan girl falls into anime world, gets the hot guy, and everyone somehow someway becomes great friends with her, even the bad guy.

…yeah.

Choke me.

With this mouse.

Please.

Some can be good. They'd have to be creative and very well written, and there are a few good ones out there, but more often than not I want to puke all over my keyboard. First of all, when you fall into an anime world, you _aren't _going to be instantly aware of where you are unless it's sitting right smack dab in front of you. You aren't going to be an animation-because, face it, that's bogus. You can't sweat drop either. Stop making constipated noises and get on with it, please.

You always have inside jokes with your friends that you put into stories. I know. I see it. _Because I don't freaking understand it. _If it's an inside joke, don't freaking put it there. It's called inside for a reason. If you haven't noticed, the internet is pretty much _outside._

But, yeah. A real world girl/guy suddenly in anime? They'd freak out. If it's a dramatic anime, typically they'll want to save the world like good little fan children (whether they like it or not, they die in the end. Or beginning. It's more realistic if it's the beginning). If it's romantic, typically they fall right on top of the person that's going to impregnate them.

Yup. Pick one out. They aren't finished, but I bet you'd see it coming.

And finally, the grand ending. The ending all of us will be freaking out about. I know a few that have actually got a tear jerking emotion out of me. Some, however, make me want to break into their house and smash their computer.

In OC ficts, they typically die at the end and everyone cries about it. The end. Yeah. Whoop-de-freaking-do. In other stories, the ending cuts off abruptly. Sometimes they don't even end it and leave just at that. The last chapter is there, the author is excited, but we're just staring blankly at the page wondering if there's a secret code written in here or something.

Because that was crap. I'd much prefer an ending that'd get emotion out of the reader. You know, it ends happily but on a sad note. Or ends sad but you know it was for the greater good. Something like that.

Killing characters does not end a story. You do, depending on whether or not your brain can handle it.

_So, _I probably just made myself the biggest hypocrite on the face of the planet, but it certainly was a load off. Fan fiction is a place of crazies and retards. I'm one of them, but some of you really take it to a whole new level of stupid.

Hopefully this cleared up a few things and cured a bit of your insanity.

Adieu.


End file.
